Category: Career

Sooo close!

My conference is sneaking up on me!  I am REALLY close to my goal and am so thankful to everyone who has helped me get there!  The last couple hundred will pay for my pre-conference workshops (including NRP), hotel, and gas.  I am soooo lucky that I get to drive down with a very good friend AND room with her!  I cannot freaking wait, but I am really nervous at the same time!  What I don’t know would build a mountain range next to the tiny mole hill of things I do know and I want to just SOAK IT UP!  Woo-hoo!


Decisions, decisions…

A while ago, I decided to just be happy.  I think my normal chemical and hormonal balance would have me very often blue, but that was just getting old.  I decided to just be happy.  It wasn’t easy, but it made a huge difference, and did so almost instantly.  Sure, I had bad days, but for the most part, I really did just DECIDE to be happy; I minimized what stressed me out, did more things that made me and my family feel good, and tried to take really good care of myself and my family.  It was great.

Now I have another choice to make.  Do I decide to be happy, completely let go of the elephant in my heart-room trampling my happiness and hope it works out?  Do I face the elephant head-on, risk making it worse in the process, or risk making it better?  Do I decide to be happy and walk away from all that I love outside of my friends and family, all that I have worked towards for the past 4 years?

“Don’t be hasty.”  – Treebeard

Checking Out

Every week for school, I am supposed to check-in.  It’s supposed to hold us accountable for what we are or are not learning by having us keep a record of what we have done to move us closer to our goal of completion and we have to submit it each week.  This Friday, I will be checking out…  I haven’t yet swallowed the lump in my throat, but I already put in a pre-emptive strike e-mail to let them know I was returning my cirriculum…

Continue reading

Every Little Bit Helps…

Most of you know know that I enrolled in Ancient Art Midwifery Institute in November of 2010.  This upcoming conference is going to be a tremendous asset to my education, including getting my neonatal resuscitation certification and lots of continuing education units.  I am so excited about this conference!  My goal of $850.00 will cover my conference, pre-conference workshops (including neonatal resuscitation with Karen Strange, the finest in the business!), and hopefully, help cover a tiny bit of my room during my stay.  We are getting a special rate during the conference, but I will probably look for a cheaper hotel close by since I will be driving down there and think $109 a night is a bit steep, even if it is a suite!  Please consider giving me a boost!  Every little bit helps!  Thank you so much! To see more about this AMAZING conference, click here:


Don’t dream it… Be it*

I have spent countless hours thinking about the kind of midwife I want to be.  I used to think I wanted to be someone that mothers and their families could call any time, for any reason.  With time, I have come to think that that is unreasonable, unrealistic, and unfair to my family, as well as the families I serve.  I don’t want to be everything to anyone.  I want to be someone they call for information, guidance, and support, but not to make their decisions for them, or someone they call when seeking approval.  I want to empower the families I serve beyond just their births.  I want to be the kind of midwife who knows her stuff, but where judgment and decision making gets involved, lets the family come to their own conclusion in their own time and place.  I want to be the kind of midwife who knows when to speak up and when to shut her mouth.  I want to know when to touch and help and hold and when to keep my hands to myself.  I want to be a balanced midwife.  I want families to trust me, but ultimately, to trust themselves.

          I look at becoming a midwife as a kind of growing up.  When I grow up, I want to be more patient, less demanding and judgmental.  I hope to expand my capacity for empathy.  I want to be the kind of midwife who can whole-heartedly support a family’s decision even if it is not necessarily the decision I would make for myself; I want to be the kind of midwife who passes on the knowledge and information necessary for the family to make a decision they are comfortable with.  When families look back at their birth, I want to be remembered as a helping hand, not a savior. 

*This was an assignment for school.   I’m posting it here because I expect it will evolve and I think it would be neat to track my “growth.”  What characteristics would your ideal care provider have and not have?

So… Obviously I’ve not been around much.  I come to you now to update and, essentially, purge.  I may very well explode into a thousand tiny pieces if I don’t offload some of this.  *shiver*

Continue reading

It’s been a while.  I had / have all these great things I want to write about, but never seem to find the time.  As of this moment, I have 12 minutes before I have to leave to pick Mega Man up.  Let’s see how much I can unload before then…

Continue reading

Feelin’ Good

So the last week or so has been incredibly rough for so many reasons.  I am not typically very easy to get along with during the holidays as it is, but I make an honest effort every year for the sake of my children.  Let’s just say that this year has done nothing but set me back to my incredibly Grinchy ways.  Oh well.  There is always next year, right?  Right!

Moving on!

I think I mentioned before that I think New Year’s resolutions are lame.  I aim to work year-round to improve and educate myself, so doing it once a year just seems cheesy and… perfunctory?  With that being said, it seems as though the end of the year is making itself a force to be reckoned with, at least for me.  It seems to be beating me over the night screaming, “Respect my authorit-AH!”  So timing be damned, here I am completely re-assessing and re-vamping what I thought would be my 1 year and 5 year plans.  Between not getting the scholarship I was qualified for, issues arising that I thought I’d never have to deal with, and other nonsense, my current plans simply will not get me where I want to go.  In light of this realization, I find myself once again thinking carefully about where I want to be in a year, in 5 years, and how best to get there.  *sigh*  Tis tedious business, at times.

Here I go again!

Recurrent Anguish

I am going to lose my certification. 

Continue reading

The end of the year is often a time for taking stock, evaluating, and making resolutions for improvement.  I hate that.  *laugh*  I think it's trite.  I mean, I suppose it's better to remind some people to try to stop, reflect, and see where they could improve, but I strive to do that year round.  Having said that, right now I am stopping hard – like both feet on the brakes hard.  I am having a hard time with just about every little thing.  I feel as though many things shouldn't make me look twice, let alone keep me up at night.  So for one, why are these things plaguing me so?  For another, if I realize they shouldn't be, why can't I let them go?  So I find myself joining the masses at the end of the year to stop, take stock, evaluate, and change course as needed.

Continue reading