Category: Relationships and Friendships


This book has been on my list for a long time… and then my marriage fell apart and it was pretty much the last thing I wanted to read. This evening I finished “The Scarlet Plague” by Jack London after just 3 sittings with it. I try to read something for leisure and not just my textbooks so that I don’t get to the point where I can’t enjoy picking up a book. I was scrolling through my list, and running my fingers over a few spines in my bookshelf, and I kept coming back to this one… So, I figured, “What the hell?”

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Witchy Woman

I don’t think I am the witch hunt type.  I will freely admit that if you upset me about certain things, it does take me a long time to get over it.  I won’t completely forget about you or end the relationship, but you are on a sort of probation.  I guess I want to see how much you learned, if you’re truly regretful that you upset me, or if you will just continue to do things your way, regardless of how your actions affect others and how your actions make them feel.  If you’re treading thin ice and you continue to upset me, I will probably walk away, feeling that I need to cut my losses.  But then there are the sticky situations.  What if you’re someone with whom we have many mutual friends?  business relationships?  shared interests and common groups?  It’s not so easy to walk away then…

Just because I love you doesn’t mean I have to let you make me feel bad, or consistently disappoint and let me down. Before you can love anyone the way they deserve to be loved, you have to love yourself. I love myself and you enough to back off. You hurt me, disappoint me, and make poor decisions for yourself that quite often require help from myself and others, though reciprocity is not part of your vocabulary. After a while, as much as I love you, and love to help, it grows tiresome. When you continually take from me, and give nothing in return, I’d like to know how you think I rebuild myself. I have an amazing family, but it’s not fair to burden them and expect them to replace all that you take. What does that leave me to give them? When I bend over backwards to make myself available, keeping my family in a holding pattern, in limbo, and then you decide it wasn’t important to you after all, where does that leave me and my family? How do you think that makes me feel when that behavior is a pattern for you? I love you, but I love me, too. I love my family and I cannot continue to sacrifice myself and my family for those who fail to reciprocate. Don’t tell me you appreciate it… reciprocate. Once in a blue moon, reciprocate.

I’ve been here before and here I am again… If it happens once, shame on you. Now it’s shame on me. I let it go because I thought I was being too sensitive and failing to see your side, or failing to allow for those times when others need us to do more for them than they can for us. Now I see that this is who you are, this is what you do, and this will not change. I will continue to love you, but not in the ways I have in the past. If I can help, I will. I will no longer change my plans to accomodate you, put my family on the back burner to be there at a moment’s notice, or find a quiet place when you call. If I have the time, you are welcome to it, but none will be created for you. I love you, but I love me and my family, too.

     I get that people deal differently.  What is stressful for you may just be mildly irritating for me.  You may think about it for days, where I just brush it off and don’t even give it a second thought.  I really do get it…  But seriously…  When you think I am a spazz, but I am always willing to be there and do things you aren’t, do you really have the right to call me a spazz?  Do you?  Continue reading

It’s been a while.  I had / have all these great things I want to write about, but never seem to find the time.  As of this moment, I have 12 minutes before I have to leave to pick Mega Man up.  Let’s see how much I can unload before then…

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     I have another aunt.  My maternal grandmother had a baby while she was in the hospital in 1986.  She gave the baby up for adoption, and that baby has been found.  She's 2 years younger than me, seems very down to earth and is really pretty.  My mom tracked her down and she's excited to meet her family… 

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          I'm all for a good debate…  Usually.  What I don't like is when comments that are perhaps meant to be a statement of fact are said in a manner which is hurtful to the other party.  Varying view points are what make the world go round – if I can't find a solution, perhaps you can because you see the problem differently than I do.  What does not sit well with me if when the opposing view points are not said with care, when there is obvious disrespect for the others' views and the lifestyle they lead because of these views…

          It's come to my attention that this election is even more heavily weighted than I initially feared.  It is tearing friends and families apart because in a crisis, everyone wants resolution and when you can't agree about the best course of correction, people obviously become passionate.  Again, not a bad thing in and of itself.  It becomes harmful when our passions lead us to trample on the thoughts and feelings of others.  It becomes harmful when it leads people to assume debasing things about others.  I may not agree with you, nor be able to see where you're coming from and why you feel the way you do, but that doesn't invalidate your feelings.  For me to try to convince you that your thoughts and feelings are invalid is detrimental not only to you, but myself…

          For this reason, I am stepping back.  I'll probably still blog about my political leanings and convictions, but it will no longer be a topic of conversation except amongst a very small, select circle.  Not everyone in the circle will agree, but everyone will respect.  I am hoping this approachwill serve as damage control for myself, as well as those I love…  It's the ties that bind that are most important…  But sometimes it's important to take stock of your differences and evaluate whether or not those differences are stronger than your ties…  And for me, now is not the proper time for that evaluation.

Superb!

          Had a meeting with someone I've not spoken to for some time.  All I can say is that it was awesome.  I think we both got a lot off our chests and felt so much better.  We missed each other, and now we're back to hangin' out and it's stellar!

        So there's this person that I really miss.  Like, I think about them all the time, and what we'd probably be doing or planning to do, the things we'd laugh about, and just what a hole there is without this person…  I can see this goofy grin that they have in my head, and when I hear something that I think we'd have laughed about, it pops into my head…  And there are other people that make think about them all the time, too… 

          And I kinda' feel like it's as simple as a phone call and an apology, even if I don't really feel like I am the one who should make that move.  At this point, the absence is hurting more than "swallowing my pride" and conjuring up that apology would.  If that's what this person needs, I can "take one for the team" for the sake of fixing things.  But then…  Seeing that I sorta' tried that recently with someone else who acted like they very much wanted to have some semblance of a relationship again, and it didn't work out, I'm in the boat I always seem to be in – I ask why I should bother when I know I will just get hurt again…

          So I don't know what to do…  Because I know if I call and they don't answer, I'll be done.  I won't even rationalize enough to think that maybe they were just busy, had their hands full, or didn't hear the phone ring.  And I won't leave a message because then I'll wonder if they're making fun of me, or thinking that I'm pathetic…  And even that's not fair because if I really thought this person was like that, I wouldn't want them back so badly but then, I never thought anything would go down the way it did, especially because this person was involved, so maybe I was wrong about them all along anyway…

          I wonder how they're doing…  I wonder if that *one* thing ever played out, or if they stuck to it and let it go…  I wonder if they think about me, too…  And I wonder if it hurts them…  Not because I want it to, but…  Aw, hell I don't know.

I have always hated the "sins of the father" thing.I don't think it's fair for children to be punished for their parents' wrongs.I guess, though, in some cases, that's sort of unavoidable.

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