Category: Adoption


Adoption Rampage

          I wouldn’t go so far as to say I am a hater or that I am mad jealous when it comes to the number of children Brangelina now have.  Still, it does irk me a bit.  I have no problem with those who have trying to help those who have not.  Sincerely, I think it’s wonderful.  What bothers me, I suppose, is the manner in which they are helping children in need.  At some point, hasn’t someone told them that they can’t adopt them all?  It seems to be that their money would go further if they set up some sort of foundation to help less-wealthy couples adopt.  So many wonderful families are kicked out of the running because they can’t drop $25,000 to the more likely $40,000+ for an international adoption.  We’ve been over this before, but you may also be excluded by domestic agencies because of your ethnicity (or lack of a certain ethnicity, as was our case), the ability to produce biologial offspring, or simply because the price tag is too great an obstacle. 

          While most of the time, I couldn’t care less about the way people spend their money, I admit that it makes my stomach turn every time I hear how wonderful Brad and Angelina are for adopting children from around the world and adding to their brood with their biological daughter, and now another one (or two) with the help of (allegedly) IVF.  We have two, but originally thought 4 would be our ideal.  We wanted to adopt after Bear came along, but were turned away time and time again either because we couldn’t provide the birth mother with "gifts," because we already had 2 biological children, we weren’t black enough (that came directly from the mouths of two agency workers), and we didn’t have $15,000 to just hand out to someone who may or may not find a baby for us.  It just makes me feel less like you’re actually trying to provide a child in need with a truly stable, loving family, and more like you’re selling babies to the highest, most perfect bidder. 

          To Brad and Angelina – I wish you the best, but I also wish the wealth were spread a bit, you know?  I’m not asking nor would I even dare to think that the two of you hand a check to every family who wants to adopt, but sheesh…  I cringe when I think about adopting again and here you are, making headlines worldwide with your beautiful adoption stories, and now, even more babies…

          *sigh*  It’s just been a rough few days.  I need to stop reading entertainment "news."  LOL 

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          Sang-Shil‘s post.

          As I said in my comments, when DH and I were trying so hard to adopt, we had many obstacles.  Do you know what hit me first, though?  "We can’t help you, but many you can try a black infant adoption program."  It made it seem as though black infants weren’t as "good" as white infants, so we might have a chance to "get one."  How horrible.  They’re children.  They need homes and stability and love and education and so many other things.  Regardless of their race or any other silly little thing, they all need those things.  My family knows that and we were willing and wanting to give those things to a child, not just a white child, or an Asian child. 

          What made things sting even more?  When I contacted those in charge of the black infant adoption programs, I was told that because we were not black, they could not help us.  "Placing a black infant in a white home would disturb the child’s cultural identity."  What do you think keeping an infant in a group home or orphanage is doing to his or her complete identity?  We’re also not completely white.  When people ask me, I identify myself as Filipino, if it really matters.  Are we less capable of love, stability, education, nurturing, simply because we’re a different color?

          Sickening.  Sickening that children are treated as commodities and that we still arrange families by color.  My blonde-haired, blue-eyed, fair-skinned boys look nothing like their olive-skinned, dark-haired, brown-eyed mommy at first glance.  Does it matter?  Do I care for them less because they are not instantly recognizable as my offspring?  Didn’t think so… 

         Absolutely appalling!  Thank you, Sang-Shil, for refusing to let things like this be swept under the rug.

          This down-swing is kicking my ass.  I know it probably doesn’t seem like I am very down, but I’ve not been dealing with it and just sort of throwing a tarp over the huge elephant that is my freakin downward spirals.  Ugh.

          We’re going out to eat tonight.  I know we shouldn’t because of finances, but seriously, I need the company.  The longer I sit here, the more I want to just cry and sleep for a few days…  Wake up, eat and cry, and then sleep for a few more days, and we all know that’s not a good idea with the babes being here and you know, completely dependent on me.

          I feel crushed by the weight of all the things going on around me – all the things I have no control over, or have very little control over and can’t do much to change in my favor other than what I am already doing…  I was trembling from the strain before and now I just feel like laying down and calling it quits.

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          DH and I have been talking a lot lately about having another baby.  Should we pursue adoption?  How about foster care in the hopes of adopting that way?  Or just foster care?  Maybe, maybe we should consider another baby of our own…  When I asked DH how many kids he would have if pregnancy wasn’t an issue, he said 5.  I said 4.  Clearly, 2 isn’t 4 or 5.

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2 Letters

          Adoption is only 2 letters different from abortion, but those two letters make all the difference to the baby and to another family.  I was searching for something on-line today and because of a few typos, I got links for adoption and abortion.  It struck me how crazy it is that just 2 little letters, and one is just flipped upside down ("b" to "p"), and the other could be mis-read if you’re just glancing over it…  What a difference 2 letters can make.

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Bethany Christian Services

          I found out about Bethany Christian Adoption Services through a fellow members of the MOMS Club.  I called them this morning to get some more infomation, and plan to attend an informational meeting on September 13th.  So far, we’ve not been told that having children of our own will disqualify us from adopting with them.  We’ve also been told they help with a lot of the expenses, which is a huge relief.  I am very excited about this new possibility and hope that something good comes of it, but am afraid to get my hopes up.

          The home study is $350.00 which is a lot less than any other place I looked in to, and we would probably start that in October as long as nothing has ruled us out.  I am so scared something will kick us out…  Most of the time, when they see that we have 2 biological children, that does the trick.  When I spoke to the lady today, she didn’t say anything when I told her we had two children, so I am hoping that is a good sign.

          *sigh*  I knew adoption was hard, but I didn’t know it was so emotionall charged.  I also looked through their site for volunteer opportunities.  With the boys and DH’s schedule, it would be tough to commit to a "schedule" to work and be dependable.  I E-mailed them and asked if they could use doula services for their birth mothers.  I got a pretty fast reply wanting to know more about the area I could work in, what services are included, etc.  I am vey excited about that.  I know it would be working for free, but it’s good experience, and very rewarding to know I am helping a birth mom find peace with her birth and her decision to place her baby in someone else’s arms.

          Send some good thoughts, if you’re the type.  Can’t hurt!

          I prayed.

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Making Room

          I just can’t think about anything else.  I even thought about us trying again in a few months – DH would be on shore duty and would be home to help me, but, and this is going to sound worse than it is, I really want a little girl.  Not that I will love the baby any differently if it’s a boy, obviously, but a little girl would just fill something.  I keep telling myself maybe the next pregnancy would be kinder to my body, especially since it’s already been longer between babies.  But then I also know it would be smart to wait until there hasn’t been a problem with my cervix or ovaries for at least 3 months, and who knows how long that could be?  I don’t want the kids to be 4+ years apart!  I also don’t want to wait that long to start college!  That last part is selfish, but it’s true… 

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The Adoption Quest at Rest

          I wish I could say our quest was at rest because we found a birth mother.  We are putting our dreams on hold for now because there are just too many things in our way.  If you know me, you know that I am typically very stubborn and that putting more stumbling blocks before me generally makes me want to succeed even more, and thus, I tuck my head down and just push harder.  In this case, I just can’t do it.  For one thing, we simply don’t have $30,000 – 40,000.00 to pursue an international adoption.  If we could find a birth mother and do a parent-identified, private adoption, we would be more than willing, but that’s rare and we don’t know anyone or even know someone who knows someone who is considering adoption.  Of the many many agencies I contacted regarding infant adoption, 9 out of 10 won’t even consider us because we have biological children.  At this point in my life, I cannot keep finding the energy to pursue something so devastating.

         

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Small Change

You may have noticed the Tip Jar on my page.  What you may not have noticed is that it recently been altered to suit a better purpose.  Any donation made from now until the end of this calendar year will go into its own account to help pay for the expense of adoptiong or providing foster care for a child.  I will also be making some contributions myself, but I can’t tell you how.  It’s not illegal, but it is "against the rules" as one person so sweetly told me.  😉

Small change adds up!