In case you’re wondering, I’ll be ringing it in alone. Apparently he’s going next door. He is also going to see Zero Dark Thirty with the same person he’s ringing in the new year with…  After I waited a week for him to take me to see The Hobbit. I ended up seeing it alone, just in case you were wondering about that, too. I hope the neighbor remembers that he loves meatloaf and biscuits and gravy. I hope the neighbor doesn’t mind that he would never change the sheets if left to his own devices and will take a 2+ hour bath and never scrub the tub despite being the only one in the house to use salts and oils in the tub. I hope the neighbor tries to make his birthday special, and reminds him of all the kids’ functions so he will actually show up and make an effort to be there. I hope the people and relationships he’s actually putting effort into are enough to keep him afloat when his entire life comes crashing down around him…  I hope these people are there for him when it’s my turn to have the kids for Christmas and he’s got his drunken family to spend time with. I hope these relationships are enough for him when he doesn’t pass the servicewide because he didn’t study and no one pushed him. I hoped these people are there for him when his anger about his upbringing finally makes its way to the surface and he comes apart. I really do. I hope he wakes the fuck up before he destroys everything in his path. I hope someone tells him about himself before he alienates not only his wife of almost 10 years, but his children, who see him “not loving” their mom… I hope he comes around before his babies resent him for all the hurt he caused… I will hate him. It will be the only way I can survive… and it’s creeping in. The only thing that keeps me from just breaking down and not getting out of bed is that little piece of hot, angry ember that re-ignites and burns hot everytime he hurts me… and that fuels the hate… and it’s not just a single ember now…  I’m going to hate him… and I hope that if he decides at some point that I am worth his love, he decides it before I hate him…

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