Just because I love you doesn’t mean I have to let you make me feel bad, or consistently disappoint and let me down. Before you can love anyone the way they deserve to be loved, you have to love yourself. I love myself and you enough to back off. You hurt me, disappoint me, and make poor decisions for yourself that quite often require help from myself and others, though reciprocity is not part of your vocabulary. After a while, as much as I love you, and love to help, it grows tiresome. When you continually take from me, and give nothing in return, I’d like to know how you think I rebuild myself. I have an amazing family, but it’s not fair to burden them and expect them to replace all that you take. What does that leave me to give them? When I bend over backwards to make myself available, keeping my family in a holding pattern, in limbo, and then you decide it wasn’t important to you after all, where does that leave me and my family? How do you think that makes me feel when that behavior is a pattern for you? I love you, but I love me, too. I love my family and I cannot continue to sacrifice myself and my family for those who fail to reciprocate. Don’t tell me you appreciate it… reciprocate. Once in a blue moon, reciprocate.

I’ve been here before and here I am again… If it happens once, shame on you. Now it’s shame on me. I let it go because I thought I was being too sensitive and failing to see your side, or failing to allow for those times when others need us to do more for them than they can for us. Now I see that this is who you are, this is what you do, and this will not change. I will continue to love you, but not in the ways I have in the past. If I can help, I will. I will no longer change my plans to accomodate you, put my family on the back burner to be there at a moment’s notice, or find a quiet place when you call. If I have the time, you are welcome to it, but none will be created for you. I love you, but I love me and my family, too.

Advertisements