I get that people deal differently.  What is stressful for you may just be mildly irritating for me.  You may think about it for days, where I just brush it off and don’t even give it a second thought.  I really do get it…  But seriously…  When you think I am a spazz, but I am always willing to be there and do things you aren’t, do you really have the right to call me a spazz?  Do you? 

It really annoys me when people say things like, “I’d like to have a better relationship with her.”  For one, good on ya’.  Having giving you your props, here’s the big thing:  The other person has to want your relationship to be different.  Perhaps they like things just as they are, and as you take measures to “fix” or “alter” your relationship, the other party may become uncomfortable.  Just because you want to be closer, or less close doesn’t mean the other person wants that.  Where relationships are concerned, it always takes two.  Because it always takes two, things will often be uneven – there will usually be a giver and a taker.  Quite often, these roles will shift as life circumstances and needs dictate.  When your best friend is planning her wedding, she will most likely be taking and you will be giving.  When you have a baby, you will most likely be taking while she gives.   When someone is always giving, it becomes tiresome.  No matter how much you love someone, at some point, enough becomes enough and you have nothing left to offer.  Read Shel Silverstein’s “The Giving Tree.”  I’m not the only one to say all this…

I suppose you could argue that “giving” is also relative.  Perhaps your friends doesn’t see you driving to her house for every single get-together as an act of giving and her taking.  Perhaps you don’t but she ultimately feels bad about it… 

I am at a point where I can no longer give to certain people.  I cannot continue to make time for them because they have yet to make the effort to make time for me or my family.  I cannot continue to give people free passes for treating me poorly and making me feel bad.   I refuse to take what they are offering any longer.  It brings me down, and I’d rather surround myself with people who make me feel good. 

Today was spent with people who make me feel good.  They are warm and welcoming, and I don’t feel as though we are being judged or sniped behind our backs.  Our children get along very well and I don’t feel as though I have to worry about what our children may pick up (though perhaps our children may teach theirs some less-than-desirable behaviors!).  I thoroughly enjoyed myself and I am so thankful for people like them.  You can’t choose your relatives, but you can choose how you relate to them.  You can also choose to make friends with people who lift you up and help light your way.

“Light up the darkness.”  – Bob Marley

Who lights up your darkness?

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