Been listening to a lot of Elton John lately…

I have a lot in my heart that I don’t want.  I’m not a jealous person, and I don’t covet.  I much prefer to work for the things I want, even when it means working harder than expected.  I might see something you have and like it, but where that leaves you open for coveting, I just set a goal.  I don’t typically get jealous for the same reason.  I joke about appliance envy and that sort of thing, but day-to-day, I’m just not a jealous person.  I’m not usually down with haterade.  *snicker*

I’m not jealous, but I don’t know the word for it.  Baffled?  I gave up trying to figure out why people are handed the cards they are.  It never got me anywhere, and I don’t think it’s possible to truly ever know why we are given the lives and situations we are.  There may not even be a reason, so why make myself crazy wondering why she has gorgeous hair and legs that don’t quit while I work out like mad and still can’t lose a pound.  *shrug*  But now I can’t shake it…  I can’t stop wondering what they are doing that I am not, or what they have that I don’t.  Why are they being gifted this *thing* on a silver platter while I am busting my butt and it actually seems to be getting further from my grasp?  This *thing* is not something that comes without hard work.  In that respect, I suppose they aren’t being handed it, either, but they are certainly being gifted with opportunities that I can’t seem to duplicate.  What did I do wrong?  Who did I piss off?

I need a lighthouse.   I need a blatant direction signpost.  I need a damn life line…

Advertisements