I am feeling a little…  neglected?  ill used?  uncared for?  I am sure it's completely irrational, but I feel this way just the same.  It seems as though the people I want to be there, aren't, and the people that I don't feel as essential at the moment are in my life in abundance.  I realize that sounds callous, but when we get down to brass tacks, that's what is left.  I feel as though I am floundering…  I thought Mega Man's initiation into school would be liberating, but it's actually been far more confining.  It's odd to have to leave him somewhere, and then pick him up from the very same spot just 3 short hours later.  It seems to be enough time to get somewhere and get settled, only to break the new comfort zone barrier and leave again.  It's a bit irritating, honestly.

DH has duty the day of Mega Man's 5th birthday party.  To me, the fifth birthday is a big deal.  It's the official end of toddlerhood, and the commencement of being a kid.  I asked him to try to swap and he's not going to.  The party is set for that day because it was the only remaining Saturday within a month of Mega's birthday that was available.  So…  I say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease and he should speak up and ask someone to swap.  Not even give up their weekend - switch for that Sunday, or another Saturday, just not THE Saturday…  But no…  He won't or hasn't…  And it frustrates me…

Out of 6 interviews conducted last week, I've had a return from ONE client.  That was pretty devastating, especially since I felt I made a good, strong connection with at least one other potential client.  As if that didn't cut me down far enough, another doula friend E-mailed about back-up for SIX clients within the next 2 months.  Don't get me wrong, I am stoked for her, but it seriously makes me wonder WTF I am doing wrong… 

There's some other stuff going on, but damn…  I just feel like I am falling back down into one of my uber-nasty, super devastating funks…  And I don't like it. 

    

*Day 94: I am grateful for being able to rule out one more possibility on the list of things making my baby sick.  T-Rex is NOT allergic to eggs!

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