I have another aunt.  My maternal grandmother had a baby while she was in the hospital in 1986.  She gave the baby up for adoption, and that baby has been found.  She's 2 years younger than me, seems very down to earth and is really pretty.  My mom tracked her down and she's excited to meet her family… 

I'm excited, too.  I mean, she's closer to my age than her siblings, and even though she's technically my aunt, it doesnt' feel that way.  But here's where it gets fuzzy for me…  She is coming down here this weekend…  As in the weekend we planned our Annual Fourth of July Party and Birthday Celebration for T-Rex.  T-Rex doesn't turn 3 until the 19th, but we roll it all into one because it's 2 parties in 2 weeks, or one big blow-out and I prefer the blow out.  When T-Rex is older, if he prefers to have his very own day, we will split it and have 2 parties in 2 weeks…  Because of the impending meeting with the newly-found family member, I cancelled the party.  Now, instead of gearing up for a party I've been looking forward to for months (because I love hosting, I love parties for my babies, and just because I needed something fun to do, plan, and look forward to), we're packing up and driving for 3-4 hours…  While my best friend is here from Cali…  and staying at my mom's for a night…  So we're going to keep the kids in the car for 3-4 hours, try to get them to sleep in a crowded house, and then drive home late Saturday night because DH has to be at work at 6 AM Sunday morning for duty.  Also, he's on standby Saturday…  And I'm on call…  And we have one car…

    I feel like an asshole.  If we go and my client goes into labor, that's THREE clients I've had to give to back-ups.  I adore my back-up ladies, or I wouldn't trust them with my clients, but right now, it's money I don't have if my back-up has to go.  If we go and DH gets called, he gets in deep because he's supposed to be able to get there within the hour.  They're a little lenient because they know we live 45 minutes away, but 3-4 hours is beyond lenient.  It's a night with all of us crammed with the baby and the kids, and the boys have enough trouble staying in their own rooms and going to sleep at night…  It's 3-4 hours in the car 2 days in a row…  It's missing out on the ONE party DH doesn't fight with me about.  He hates parties and I *love* them; even he enjoys the 4th party, so it's nice…  But now we're cancelling and with DH's work schedule the next few weeks, if I re-scheduled T-Rex's birthday party, he couldn't be here to celebrate, nor to help me with everything.  Nae booked her flight over a holiday weekend specifically to be here for one of T-Rex's parties and now it's moot.  So yeah, I'm a little irritated and trying very hard not to be.  I am trying very hard not to be selfish and make this all about me.  I get that this is HUGE, IMPORTANT, she's family, etc.  I just wish it could have been the next weekend…  Maybe I really DO NOT get it because I am an only child.  It's only been in the last 5 years that I have had a sibling, and we've never been close – we've always lived across the country from each other.  Plus, we're literally 20 years apart in age, so the way we relate to each other is completely different… 

Honestly, I am upset…  I'm disappointed and while I am excited about meeting my "aunt," I am still crestfallen over all.  It feels like any time we try to do something big, it gets sh*t on.  Something happens and half the people don't show up…  Or someone else hosts an event on the same day…  Or we live too far away (we get that one A LOT), though we drive to see everyone else whenever possible (financially and when I don't have clients on-call)…  It's just like our stuff isn't important enough, but we're supposed to drop everything and run whenever anyone else asks…

Oh, and we still have only one car, so I have to figure that out this week, too.  I'd have had to do that anyway, but it's just one more thing…

I'm sure I will be happy I went.  I know it's the right thing to do and I will regret it if we don't go; I'll never forgive myself, and I am sure no one else will either, nor will they allow me to forget putting my friends and the party before family…  I'm glad my aunt has been found and that we're all going to get together and get to know each other.  But The Force damn it, I am upset and whether it's right or wrong, I am.  I'll get over it and in the end, know I made the right choice and wonder why I was upset…  So I am just going to have my moment and be upset and I will be more than over it by this weekend.  🙂

*Day 80: I am grateful Grandma will get to meet the daughter she's been missing.

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