Bed rest sucks.  I have completed almost 2 dozen Su Doku puzzles, read over 100 pages of "The Jungle" (even though I don't really like it), have watched about 4 movies, and have played a few rounds of Super Mario Brothers 2 on the Wii…  The best part has been hanging out with my husband.  We're rarely apart, but rarely together.  He's watching the kids while I make dinner.  He's bathing the kids while I catch my breath, whatever.  It's been very pleasant to just be near each other again.  I am definitely okay with that part of this situation.

What sucks the most is just being away from my babies.  I've never been away for more than 48 hours and while the quiet is nice, and the slower pace is much appreciated at the moment, it feels very empty without them here.  I keep waiting for Mega Man to ask me to tell T-Rex not to wreck the train tracks he just assembled, or for T-Rex to come begging to be picked up and held…  Mornings seem to be the hardest – that's when they need me most and now there's no one.  It's weird being waited on for a change…  While that's even sorta' nice, it's just…  weird, too.  My mom is probably going nuts because I call at least twice a day, but it's just so odd not KNOWING what they're doing at every single moment.  Even when they're being little terrors, they're my little terrors and I know what they're terrorizing…  I'd give just about anything for a hug from them right now…  Next weekend seems like a long way away…  *sigh*

I'm really amazed at how eager people have been to help, too.  My mom took the boys and just made arrangements to make it work.  Friends, fellow doulas, and birth workers have all volunteered to provide meals, keep me company, and other services according to their professions and specialties.  It's truly humbling and I am very thankful to have such wonderful people in our lives. 

While I am miserable, it's more because I feel like a newly caged animal than anything else.  This is what needs to be done for the well-being of our daughter, and that's perfectly fine.  Just like the injections and drugs, I'd normally oppose them, but it's not about me and what I want – it's about her and what's best for her.  I'm down with all that, no question…  I just wish I could be on bedrest without actually having to sit still.  😉

*Day 57: I am grateful for my circle of support, without whom I would be losing my mind!

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