I appreciate something new every day, and corny as it sounds, I appreciate them more each day, too.  Even when the boys are driving me crazy, I appreciate that my husband has a job that enables me to stay home and be the one they're drivig crazy.  As tiresome as it is some days to put food on the table and gas in the cars, I even appreciate the struggle…  Because it makes us think twice and appreciate what we DO have all the more.  I really thought we wouldn't be able to have a third, and now here she is, on her way, even healthier than the boys were.  It's scary to think how we'll provide, but I know we will…  And it breaks my heart to see others struggle, too, but I guess we all have different battles to fight, and we all have to make do with what we're given – make the most of what we do have, and the least ordeal about what we don't.  If I could change anything, it would be nothing more than our paycheck.  Even that, not a whole lot more, just a bit more so that things like fresh veggies and fruits wouldn't be a "luxury" 3-4 days after pay day.  Aside from that, I have to admit I am pretty damn happy.  Things could always be better…  But they could always be worse, too.  I remember "worse" when I was little and my kids will never know what that's like if it means I have to beg, borrow, and steal.  I never went without a roof over my head, but there were plenty of times when utilities were cut off, there was peanut butter and nothing else in the house, and I lied to cover my shame…  I hold pretty tightly to the things I like because of what that felt like, but I also learned not to be happy, or appear happy…  Because when I did, it always seemed like something bad would happen and it would all just get taken away.  In some way, I even appreciate that…  My fear of being and appearing happy: it's something to work on and change so that my kids don't think I am a miserable person that hates every second of my life…  I guess it often seems like I am ungrateful for what I have because I always seem stressed or "over it," but I think that's because I think things should be perfect.  In my head, I know they never will be, but that doesn't stop my dumb ass from working towards it.  LOL  So yeah…  long story short, I appreciate even the more annoying things like having to scrub dried cereal from my table…  Because it means my kids are fed and healthy and weren't so scared of me that they were okay to make a mess.  I appreciate things I never thought I would, for reasons I had never even considered… 

* I even appreciate the fact that T-Rex still has slightly off-textured hair thanks to the Vaseline incident.  It has given me something to remind him of when he's older and another reason to think back and laugh.

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