So there's this person that I really miss.  Like, I think about them all the time, and what we'd probably be doing or planning to do, the things we'd laugh about, and just what a hole there is without this person…  I can see this goofy grin that they have in my head, and when I hear something that I think we'd have laughed about, it pops into my head…  And there are other people that make think about them all the time, too… 

          And I kinda' feel like it's as simple as a phone call and an apology, even if I don't really feel like I am the one who should make that move.  At this point, the absence is hurting more than "swallowing my pride" and conjuring up that apology would.  If that's what this person needs, I can "take one for the team" for the sake of fixing things.  But then…  Seeing that I sorta' tried that recently with someone else who acted like they very much wanted to have some semblance of a relationship again, and it didn't work out, I'm in the boat I always seem to be in – I ask why I should bother when I know I will just get hurt again…

          So I don't know what to do…  Because I know if I call and they don't answer, I'll be done.  I won't even rationalize enough to think that maybe they were just busy, had their hands full, or didn't hear the phone ring.  And I won't leave a message because then I'll wonder if they're making fun of me, or thinking that I'm pathetic…  And even that's not fair because if I really thought this person was like that, I wouldn't want them back so badly but then, I never thought anything would go down the way it did, especially because this person was involved, so maybe I was wrong about them all along anyway…

          I wonder how they're doing…  I wonder if that *one* thing ever played out, or if they stuck to it and let it go…  I wonder if they think about me, too…  And I wonder if it hurts them…  Not because I want it to, but…  Aw, hell I don't know.

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