I used to be a person who don’t let things go easily.  It took me a while, I won’t lie.  Even then, when I finally let something go, it was usually for good.  I got to a point in my life a few years ago where it just dawned on me.  Why carry around things that bother you when nothing will change?  You’re bearing a needless burden and no one is suffering but you.  After that little epiphany, it got a little easier to let things go, or to at least get past them without looking back at them every day, wondering if I did every thing I could or if I was right to walk away in the first place. 


          There are maybe…  2 or 3 things in my life that I haven’t let go of yet.  Believe me, that’s progress.  Of the things I’ve previously set free, there are 2 huge ones that I thought I would never release.  When I sat down and really looked at it, I still came to my original conclusion – Why bother?  I’m struggling to get through each day because of that?!  Let it go.  Take a deep breath, and let it go.


          When things bother me now, I’m pretty much over it in a day or two.  I have too many other things I could be doing with my time and energy to let someone or something upset and consume me for too long.  I have children who need a present mother, a husband who needs and deserves an attentive wife, and friends and family who have already put up with enough sh*t from me to walk on eggshells forever.  I let things go.  I feel no sense of entitlement or that I deserve certain things.  I still look at some people and wonder what they did to deserve their lives, but even then, I don’t stay angry about it the way I used to.  We all get what’s coming to us. 


          For better or worse, we all get what we deserve.  When I get sh*t handed to me, I still get upset, sure, but I also think, “I pissed someone off, didn’t I?”  At this point in my life, I think my karmic check book is about balanced.  I’ve had a lot of sh*t handed to me in 24 years.  Some sh*t was more serious than others, but it all shaped me.  It all molded me in some way – better or worse.  I carried some sh*t further than other sh*t.  I didn’t deal with some sh*t as well as others.  Sometimes I even blamed the sh*t that was handed to me for other sh*t that was going on.  *shrug*  One way or another, it got dealt with.  Sometimes I created more karmic debt because of the way I handled my sh*t, but other times, I felt like I worked off some debt, too.


            When I think about karma, I really do think about it like a checkbook.  I used to feel like I was constantly running in the red no matter what I did.  In retrospect, a lot of that was my attitude, but I think I was born with a huge debt, too.  I must not have been a very nice person in my past life, because I chose/was placed upon a very hard path to tread.  I am at a point now where I feel like my column has been made more than even, and I’m writing my balance in black.  I’m not saying I don’t screw up or my life is all blessed and no bothers, but for the most part, I feel like I’m in a much better place.  I know who stands where – my side, no man’s land, or the Other Side.  I know who I can call 24/7, and who I can only call when I’m happy.  I know who loves my family and who just tolerates us. 


          I know where I stand because I created this place; I brought myself here.  It’s a pretty peaceful feeling to think you’re no longer running in the red.  I used to feel like I was just waiting for the next Karmic b*tch slap, but now I just sort of sit back, thinking if the sh*t hits the fan, it’s just another chance to increase my good karma. 


          Perspective…  I kept hearing it was all about perspective, but I think I finally get it.  You don’t have to be a ray of sunshine all the damn time, but not thinking the entire world is against you certainly doesn’t hurt.  Perspective, ya’ll… 

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