Some of you know that I have been sick lately.  I don't mean I've had a lingering cold or a cough.  I mean I passed out in the middle of Wal-Mart this week and about hit the deck in the shower this morning.  Clearly, all is not well in Casa de Mental Mommy.  At first, I kept it to myself and put on my happy face, thinking it would go away or that I'd figure it out.  When it didn't, and I lost consciousness in front of my children, I figured it might be time to surrender…  And by surrender, I mean tell the people I feel safe with and then hope they'd offer to help without me asking for it, because we all know I suck in that department. 

          Man, oh man, have I been blessed.  Whatever I did in my past life to warrant the people around me, I thank The Force.  Yesterday, the boys spent the day with one of their buddies and I slept.  Yes, me, the vampire who can't stand the light of day, let alone sleep if there's even the smallest amount of light in the room, I slept.  I didn't answer E-mails, I didn't blog (it was on auto-post, ya'll), I didn't even play X-Box.  I slept and read about 20-25 pages of 'Peace.'  It was bliss.

          Today when I go in for the round-up appointment, another sweet someone is taking the boys again.  What would I do to entertain them in an office for 2 hours?  Rather than be strapped in the stroller, bored out of their minds, and probably distracting the crap out of all of us, they will play at another friend's house and not be worried about their mom.  Stellar.

          While I am still a bit scared by the whole, "kidneys shutting down, liver enzymes elevated, passing out, yadda yadda yadda," I know that at least I'm not swinging from my tree alone.  I'm cradled by hands I didn't even know were there.  It's not so much strain on your arms when you've got others there supporting you, too.  While I thought it would just make me feel weak and vulnerable, it kind of made me feel stronger – like I could focus more on what I needed to do to get better instead of using all my energy to hide it from everyone.  I do feel indebted, but I think that's how gratitude is supposed to work.  When someone does something for you that you couldn't do for youself, you're supposed to want to do the same for someone else.  I think that's how it keeps itself going. 

          Thank you.  Thank you to all of you who have listened, offered to help in any capacity, and for those of you who continue to put up with my shit.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

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