I thought the comment warranted a response, but I hate to reply in the comments, so here goes. 

what about those friends you've pushed away for no rhyme or reason, and they just have to take it because you are who you are? when you're the one to bolt.

          Interesting you should ask that.  I think people, like The Force, don't always reveal their reasons.  Perhaps you think *I* or whomever you may be referring to "bolted" for no reason, but I don't think any of us do anything "for no reason."  Maybe we're acting on an impulse even we don't understand, or some sub-conscious thought that we haven't even fully formed.  So, first, I don't think anyone bolts without a reason.  It might not be a reason you understand or agree with, but a reason exists.

          Second, if you know that's the type of person I am, you had to get to know me and decide to stay long enough to figure that out.  From there, you have your own threshold: how long will you hold on and how much will you do to try to keep me corralled before calling it quits?  If you did every thing you thought you could to maintain a healthy relationship, it's on me.  If you gave up the first time I tried to make a run for it, and you truly valued our relationship, though you knew that's the "type of person" I was, some of it is on you.  You can't cage something that doesn't want to be caged.  A zoo animal might be contained, but it's still a wild animal.  It's still feral.  A runner is still a runner.  There's not much you can do about it beyond doing what you can to make me feel safe with you.  Unfortunately, runners hurt people.  We don't mean to – we're running because we think it's protecting not only ourselves, but you.  We think if we leave now, neither of us will get hurt.  Like I said, perhaps not a reason you understand or agree with, but something happened to make me run before, and now, that reason makes all the sense in the world to me. 

          I've "lost" friends.  If it's someone I truly wanted to be around and have in my life, I reached back out.  It wasn't easy because I am a very proud person, but if it was something I truly wanted, I did it.  The worst that can happen is you get your hand smacked away.  It stings, but you get over it.  If you don't extend the hand, there's always the "What if…?" thought.  I don't like the doubts, so I go until I can't go any more.  Sometimes people I have given up on have come back to me and because we're different people now, things turned out quite nicely.  Some people you can never get back…  But there's a reason for that, too. 

Advertisements