I must have seen all of this coming.  I think I put myself in situations to make it undeniable to avoid further hurt.  I mean, why else was I avoiding it?  You can’t actively avoid the train you don’t see coming, but you damn sure can pretend it is further away than you thought when you started crossing the bridge.

          That’s the only thing that explains all the mania.  I keep throwing myself into projects to stay busy.  I completely deny that the board I already serve on, the board position I am about to take on, and just my daily life with my family and children isn’t time and energy-consuming enough.  I fret day and night about debt, but my manic spending is the worst it’s been in ages.  I volunteer to help with things when I know I am already stretched to breaking.  I freaking bagged leaves for crying out loud! 

          Add to my issues subscriptions that my idea of damage control (read: avoidance and/or "if I pretend it’s not there, it will go away!") is not healthy.  I think I’ll start looking for a shrink along with that part-time job I’m going to need to pick up to pay off my manic stupidity spending sprees.