I told DH what was on my mind and weighing so heavily on my heart…  As always, he completely shocked me with his response.

"Maybe your job just hasn’t been made clear to you yet. Who knows maybe your job right now is to be the best most beautiful Mom and wife you can be.  This probably isn’t true because you are pretty much already doing that. Nobody alive is useless. We’re not created or born with out a purpose. If you haven’t discovered what your task in life is yet you will. I know you hate when I bring God in to it but that’s were I am headed. I’ll leave it at that. I know my purpose in life and it’s not what you might think it is. […]  I know you have all these deadlines when you want to have achieved something important because……………. You have achieved so much already and soon enough you will be doing something that will fulfill your life and make you feel complete until then babe I am here to support you and take care of you and the children. Until your purpose is revealed to you try to be happy with what we have and have accomplished together so early in our lives. Maybe you could study a new language or take a college course earn miniscule credits until you figure out what you’re supposed to be doing with your life."

He’s always gotta bring The Man into it, doesn’t he?  Turd… 

Do you know what I did today?  Every thing I could to avoid the whole thing.  I bought a damn answering machine because no one seems to think to call my cell phone when they can’t find me at home, and no one thinks to leave a voice mail on my cell phone when they actually do remember that I have one.  I bought some jammies for Mega because 3T pants now make him look like he’s waiting for a flood.  I even went to 3 different stores looking for clear lawn and leaf bags to start bagging all the leaves that DH and I raked up.  I kept saying I would do it after they dried out and now that we’ve had a whopping 3 days without rain and are headed for more storms, I figured I had better do it, pain in the ribs or not.  I got 16 bags and not even half the leaves done, but it’s a start.  That’s 16 bags that aren’t sitting on my non-existent grass any more.  I carried 8 bags to the curb myself, and the very-nice-and-friendly neighbor carried the other 8.  If I thought I could have kept going without coughing up blood or just making my rib cage collapse, I would have.  So anyway, then I read throug the entire instruction manual for the new answering machine.  I never read manuals.  Ever.  I vacuumed, which I never do when the kids are awake because I may as well just chase them with it to keep up with their messes.  I did laundry.  I dod 3 loads, and even folded and put away 2 of the 3 (the third is drying).  I took the boys to breakfast on a Sunday morning after 9 AMewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww – if that doesn’t scream avoidance, I don’t know what does…

          Whatever.  It is what it is.  I should have known better than to think that I could love doing something and be good at it without it conflicting with something else about me or something else in my life.

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