DH is not a confrontational person.  I knew that long before the thought of marriage or long-term partnership entered into my head.  I knew that quality could cause serious problems for us, not only because I was so willing to confront people, but because I like to feel like those closest to me will stand up for me.  While perfectly capable, in the vast majority of cases, of standing up for myself, it is nice to know that sometimes I don’t have to.  Right now, DH is burying his head in the sand and I am ready to unleash my poisonous tongue on him…

         

          And rather than do that, gentle reader, I blog.  I blog because it gives me a chance to edit, but also because I can put it out there with the full range of my emotions and come back to it at another point and use it to help rein myself back in…  I don’t want to unleash the beast on him.  99.9% of the time, I couldn’t and wouldn’t replace DH with anyone or with anything in the entire world.  He is my heart and soul, along with the babies.  But that .01% of the time, I’d like to kick his ass out and change the locks.  Just once I’d like to feel like he took care of a battle for me…  He does what he feels is sufficient and the problem continues to re-surface and continues to fester and grow more and more bothersome…  In short, his attempts are insufficient.  It drives me insane.  While obviously not perfect at everything, especially conflict resolution, I would say that if someone asked me to do something and I had to address it multiple times, I would change my approach in an attempt to try to find a working solution.  I wouldn’t keep putting duct tape on the hole in the 2 million gallon pool, you know? 

          When he buries his head, it makes me want to yank him out and scream at him, "I’m not doing this!  Either you do it, or just leave me the f*ck alone!"  As far as I am concerned, Layla is his problem.  Why?  Because while there may have been drama between the 2 of us initially, he didn’t really change his attempts to eliminate the existing and prevent the future drama.  He kept allowing himself to be put in the middle instead of just telling Layla she needed to approach me as an adult and stop tattling, or just get the f*ck over it.  I try very hard not to keep a score sheet or tally list of transgressions people have committed against me, but Layla just sort of makes me feel that the list is necessary.  Not only has the woman never let any instance in which she felt slighted ever go, but she continues to bring them up whenever given the chance, and at times, creates the chances.  It’s maddening.  Yes, I was very upset that she used a name reserved for a special person, but she stopped doing it.  Fine.  Don’t do it again and we’re good.  There’s no reason to continue to complain about it to DH, especially when I was the one who was upset!  For the love of The Force!  I can’t explain how angry that woman makes me.  I swore I would continue about my business (I am currently working on March’s book of the month over here, among other things), but when DH didn’t speak for about…  Oh, 10+ minutes, I started to get angry.  I kept trying to block it out – do surveys, play games, catch up on other blog stuff I love, whatever, but the fury built and built…

          For me, silence is acquiescence.  If I am ranting and raving to you about your friend and you say nothing, it makes me feel like you agree.  If you stop me and point out another view, defend your friend, or even question me, it makes me pause and think you don’t agree or that you’re at least trying to get the entire picture.  I have told DH that I feel that way and yet…  Silence.  Head in the sand…  Boiling rage…  Liquid hot magma over here… 

       McFly?  I’m the one you gotta sleep next to tonight and every other night.  You may not agree with me, but don’t you think it’s a better idea to at least try to appease me than just to keep the peace with your sister whom you’ve seen less than a dozen times in the last 2 years?  Just a thought…  Then again, why do you care who you are or are not sleeping next to when your head is buried in the sand?

          I’m so pissed my left eye is twitching…  Twitching!

Advertisements