So, wonder of wonders, all is not quite on the Family Front.  I knew it was too good to be true – there had been minimal drama for far too long.  I told DH he would have to deal with it lest he wanted to risk unleashing the bi-polar, pissed off, dieting-so-I-am-even-less-happy-and-tolerant-than-usual beast that is his wife.  Let’s face it: in this case, a battle of words would ensue and my opponent is completely unarmed, inept, and generally incoherent.  (HA!)  He "tried" to deal with it Wednesday night, but it was a pretty half-assed attempt, which of course, just pissed me off even further.  If he doesn’t make a damn-good attempt tonight, he will have to deal with the beast, and I really don’t think he wants that…  Though it may make for some interesting reading…  Heh heh…   

         I digress.  We’ll call the offending person "Layla."  Layla took it upon herself to tell certain other family members that DH and I were not going to be here for very long.  Now whether she meant that DH and I were not going to be married long, in the area long, or a part of the family for long, I have no clue.  Considering that at the time this was said, we hadn’t gotten our orders (let alone told her about them), we have no idea why/how geographic location would be the explanation for the aforementioned statement.  Even if that were the concept she was referring to…  "Um, hello?  We’re a military family.  DUH."  Why is that news that you feel the need to gossip about and try to make it into something more sinister than it is?  We might be re-locating.  Big deal.  It still doesn’t explain why it is any of your business, or why it was okay for you to spread the non-business with a family connection that few family members are very happy about.

          Layla called during DH’s last deployment at 11:30 PM.  Now, unless you’re a client in labor, DH in port, or someone else very special with a very good reason to call, I don’t want my phone ringing after 9 PM.  Even if I am not sleeping, those are quiet hours for me.  While my children tend to be heavy sleepers, I still don’t want the phone waking them up with its shrill peacock-that-just-got-pegged-with-a-tennis-ball-ring.  So she calls and proceeds to get testy with me when she asked for DH and I asked her who the hell was calling for him at 11:30 at night.  She asked me who I was…  Um, hello?  I fucking live here!  You called MY HOUSE!  Proper phone etiquette dictates that you identify yourself when asking to speak to a specific member of a multi-person household when asked to do so!  I told her it was his GD wife, thankyouverymuch, and who was calling for him at this hour?  She identified herself and then proceeded to tell me she thought it was his cell phone number.  Never mind the fact that Layla has known DH his entire life and he has had the same cell phone number for 6 years, and we’ve only had this particular number for about 2 years…  I then asked her why she was calling at such a late hour.  "I’m not in the state and I don’t get that whole time-change thing."  I later found out she was in the same f*cking time zone and the place she called from?  The home of family friends that knew what time it was, so I bet if she had asked them about it instead of playing stupid, they’d have explained "that whole time-change thing" to her…  When she told DH about this incident (on his voice mail while he was still deployed, mind you), she said there was attitude from both sides, "understandably."  I’m sorry, what?  Had that been me, I would have been apologizing like a mad man for a) not bothering to think that his wife might answer his phone, b) even if I thought it was his cell phone that someone on his boat picked up, not being courteous (’cause you catch more flies with honey, bitches!), and c) being dumb enough to call at that hour!  What part of that exchange gave her the right to get pissy with me?  I must have missed it, so maybe you, gentle reader, can point it out for me.

          Layla told DH that she wanted to sit down and talk with me.  She told me that a while ago and I told DH right away that, again, for reasons concerning Layla’s safety, I didn’t think it was a good idea.  I have a horrible temper.  I know that.  Not a good idea to sit me down, tell me I am completely wrong and completely to blame for our lack of a civil relationship and expect me to not get a bit testy…  Or you know, just unload on your dumb ass.  Anyway, in DH’s very brief conversation with her, she told him that she wanted to call and set up a time to come out here, but was afraid I wouldn’t be there when she got here.  I am not that type of person. I’ll put you off and tell you I can’t come up with a good time before I will tell you come to my house and then not be there.  When I asked DH if I had ever done anything to give her (or him for that matter) the impression that I was that type of person he said, "Well, she has stopped by a few times and you weren’t here."  But that’s a different situation, is it not?  We live a good 20 miles apart – why wouldn’t you check to see if I was going to be there before you just "dropped by"?  In all honesty, I don’t think I would ever be comfortable letting her step foot in my house.  My home is my sanctuary and you don’t just get to talk shit about me, my marriage, my abilities as a mother (which is a whole ‘nother story!), and constantly "suggest" we get food stamps and other government freebies, and then just waltz into my home.  I don’t think so.

          Maybe these things seem petty…  Maybe they are.  THOTM is that this woman has insulted me numerous times and when DH makes his half-assed, non-confrontational attempt to find out why she said those things, she always dodges the question, talks in circles, and attempts to make it my fault.  He lets it go, and so it festers with me.  I understand she is family and I wouldn’t ask DH to choose.  I have tried my best not to put him in the middle, though he appears to be smack-dab right now.  She did that when she continued to "tattle" to him about the phone call, and other past incidents.  She’s mad at me?  And…?  I couldn’t give a rat’s ass what she thinks.  I don’t admire or respect a single thing that I know about her.  While I may know a very small portion, as yet, I am completely unimpressed and have no desire for her approval or acceptance.  When she continues to run her mouth and try to pit DH against me, we continue to have a problem. 

        DH – I bet you’re reading this because you’re a fabulous husband like that and you know I write a lot of things I would never say because of my horrible temper and the ability to edit my written word.  Babe…  I don’t blame you, but if this bullshit drama continues, I think I will start to blame you.  I know you’re not comfortable with confrontation, so if you want me to, I’ll tell "Layla" exactly what I think of her and be done with it.  You’re more than welcome to spend time with her, but my children will never spend one-on-one time with her and neither will I.  I have no desire for my children to be around her because I think she has nothing to offer that would enrich them.  I wouldn’t want her sense of entitlement and overall "woe is me" attitude to rub off on them, etc.  If you really want me to, I will take care of this as level-headedly as I know how…  But since I can’t promise you will like the way I do things, so it’s your call.  One way or another, this shit has got to stop.  I don’t have time for drama – I get enough from my 3 year old!