Token has been changed again.  The music is different, there are a few new pictures, and the music plays with the pictures now.  I figured since I was up, I might as well make good use of my time, right?  Right…

          I could watch that thing for hours…

Captured.

Frozen.

Healthy.

I wanted so badly to call you today.  I wanted to pick up the phone and tell you Mega had potty trained.  I knew if I had called you, you would go as crazy as I do, and he’d eat it up.  But I couldn’t. 

I wanted to call you a few days ago.  Skeeter let go of the coffee table and took about 2 steps.  And I couldn’t.

I wanted to call you after my third certification birth…  And I couldn’t.

I wanted to call you last night when I was tossing and turning, waking up every 45 minutes and being plagued by nightmares…  But I couldn’t. 

So I wept.

At least I tried.

I shook.

And I balled up.

And no tears.

And I want to weep now.

Dams…  And the waters…  somehow…  Somehow, they are held back.  They threaten to consume me and pull me under.  When I think about it…  "Would it be so bad to just drown?  Would it be so bad to give in to my grief for just a moment?"

Rising waters…

It stings my throat.

I shiver in the wintriness of grief…  My skin crawls and tingles.

I swallow and I swear it tastes like salt water. 

Would it really be so bad?

To give in.

Just for a minute?

Are you enjoying your vacation?

Smile.

Sniffle.

Receding waters.

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