I am spitting nails at the moment.  For reasons of safety, both my own and the safety of someone else, I can’t go into details here, but let’s just say we’ve had *ahem* issues with this person before.

          One thing I can tell you about.  Would you just start calling someone by another name?  Unless it’s a pet name or something, would you really just start calling someone a name you have never heard another person use?  Let me add that we are not close…  Would you call be something other than what you hear most other people call me?  What would make you think it is okay to use my first and middle name all the time?  They are not one name.  I don’t go around calling people ErinElizabeth.  Why would I?  Unless you have a hyphenated first name, or you like to be called by your full name, that’s just dumb.  In this case, no one has ever called me this name.  No one.  No one except Gram, and I know you damn sure didn’t hear her say it because even she uses it with discretion…  Never in crowded rooms, etc.  Not to mention that you’ve never even met her!  I may sign things with my middle initial, but even then!!!  Until I ask you to call me something other than my first name, why would you assume it was okay to use another term?  WHY?! 

          Yes, perhaps I am making a bigger deal out of this than you think I should be.  For me, it’s just one more sign that you have no respect.  Not one small inkling.  You act as if I don’t exist half the time, and that I am just DH’s baby momma.  Well, I have news for you sweetheart.  After more than 5 years together, you should take a hint.  We may not spend eternity together, but let me tell you – he chose me and he spends every day with me.  He didn’t have a choice about you, and look how much time he spends with you.  Tell you somethin’?  I’m not usually one to get nasty – I tend to write, stew, edit, and then re-edit before I do anything, but for real…  You’ve crossed me a few too many times and I have kept quite about it for the most part.  But this shit was just un-fucking-believable.  You deserve every angry word that spews out of my mouth, and believe me, you will hear what I have to say very soon.  There will be no moderation from DH.  You wore that shit out a long time again when you continued to dance around the issue and try to double-talk your way out of it.  Tell me one more fucking time that I’m not a "real mommy" because my children are healthy and for the most part, very well behaved.  Tell me one more fucking time you know of a great program to get free food.  I don’t know how it was growing up for you, but unsolicited advice doesn’t get very far with me.  Especially when you imply that we cannot provide for our children.  I work too damn hard to have someone like you tell me how to provide for my children.  The last time I checked, we have never even asked for so much as a pack of diapers from someone else, let alone payment for a utility bill, or other daily essentials.  The few times we have asked for help, it was under stressing circumstances, and we paid back every cent with an offer for interest, AND in a timely manner.  Tell me one more fucking time that you’re going to be here and then not even show your fucking face in my house, and when you do drop something off, you’re over 3 hours late without even a fucking phone call.  Even though I didn’t like you, I respected you from day one as a mother because I knew even before having children that parenthood is the hardest job you can ever have.  Even that respect you wore quickly away with your inconsistencies, constant bitching, and general attitude and approach to things.  You’ve not respected me or my place in the scheme of things from day one.  Not cool.  Even after it was clear that I was sticking around, you never changed.  Even on our wedding day, we were taking time out for you.  WTF?  Family creates a garden, and honey, you’re a damn weed.  I don’t have time for this shit and I certainly will not continue to allow you to cause debates and disagreements between DH and I.  This will be addressed as soon as I can see straight.  If I were to talk to you now, like I really really really really really want to, I don’t think I could stop myself from hitting you, and that’s no way to act in front of my children.  I should be better than to start a fist fight, and I wish to The Force I could say that I was, but in your case, MY FORCE how I would LOVE to just deck you and knock you on your sorry ass!!!

Questions…  Anyone?  Aw, come on, don’t be shy!!!!