We have a little less than a year until we transfer.  It’s pretty much a guarantee that we’re not staying at our current station.  Moving across country is appealing for many reasons, but terrifying at the same time.  I don’t have the support network I have built for myself.  Then again, DH will be home every night, as opposed to deployed 8 months out of the year.  The cost of living is going to go up considerable, and COLA (cost of living allowance for all you civvies, LOL) doesn’t factor in, from what I understand.  The only additional money we get is higher BAH (basic allowance for housing).  What I have to scrimp and pinch to make ends meet here is not going to come anywhere near to adequate out there…  Even being a doula, it’s going to be close.  That’s another thing…  I will have to start in a community where I know LITERALLY no one in my field.  Here, I have had the privilege and honor of knowing many of the most influential people in the birth community on a first-name, personal basis.  The only thing I will have going for me is my DONA certification… 

          Taking a land billet takes $250.00 per month out of our hands.  That’s $125.00 per paycheck – that’s my grocery budget!  I have no clue how I would make it work…  And I still have to find a childcare provider I feel comfortable with so that I can pursue my doula career. 

          I’m so anxious…  I know that the only "control" we have over the situation is where we request to go, but we all know that that is just a "suggestion."  We will go where the Coast Guard needs us, and that could be a place that is furthest from the places we’ve chosen…  I try not to worry about things I can’t control, but knowing you shouldn’t worry, and actually being able to stop worrying are two different things.

          Military life is hard enough without having to move every 3-4 years…  I’ve been married for over 3 years now and since Mega was 3 months old, DH has been deployed more than 50% of the time.  We got a year together while I was pregnant and immediately after Mega was born, and then it was come and go…  And while I am very familiar with military life, I don’t remember it being this hard…

          And while I know what it will do to me physically, mentally, and emotionally, I am still contemplating another boat billet.  It means we wouldn’t lose any income, we might be able to stay where we are, and perhaps buy a house…  It also means I will still be going crazy 8 months out of the year, and I don’t know that I can keep doing that.  On one hand, it’s something I am already used to – an adversity I have already faced.  With moving, while DH would be home more, I don’t know that I can conquer the financial strain…  Working in the evenings might be an option, but after having been out of the work force for over 3 years, I know it would be difficult to get a job that would pay worth my time.  While I have been out of the work field, I also know I have many marketable skills that are worth the dolla’ bills.  I just know I wouldn’t be able to do a mindless, thankless job making minor duckets…  That would also drive me nuts…  Then again, I will do anything for my family, so who knows?   

*sigh*

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