We have yet to baptize Skeeter.  With Mega, he was only a few months old and it was only that long after his birth because we were working around DH’s schedule.  Skeeter is almost a year old and I haven’t done it yet. 

         

          Initially, we were looking to do it right away, just like we did with Mega.  We were figuring out what days DH had duty, when he would be home, and when would work for most of the relatives that cared to attend.  And then…  Well, then I just sort of let it go. 

          Now that I am thinking about it, I think it comes from my anger with God.  Why should I give him my baby again when He will take him if He wants him anyway?  Then again, if I believe the way I am supposed to, if something happens to Skeeter, he won’t go to Heaven because of me…  But I have never really been one to believe that way because I don’t think it’s fair.  But see that line right there?  That part about being fair?  That’s why I struggle with my faith to begin with.  It’s not fair.  And while I tend to think there is a reason for every thing, that’s not a faith-based belief.  It’s more of a natural-flow, cosmic balance, based belief.  I’m not all "airy-fairy" as Gram would say, but I do think Nature has a checks-and-balances system and that seems to work out pretty well in most cases.  I just don’t understand why a being that is supposed to be so loving and benevolent would take people from us before we’re ready.  Death has nothing to do with free will when you are consumed by cancer.  Now death caused by war, violence, etc., I can see where free will comes into play there – someone else decided they were going to hurt you, and they followed through.  That was their free will.  But you don’t choose to get cancer, or be born with Down Syndrome, or be stricken blind…

          *sigh*

          Skeeter will be baptized.  Not because of my faith, but because from the way I understand it, baptism isn’t damning – if my children choose to believe the way I do (that there is a greater being/presence/understanding than ourselves, that there is a balance, etc.), then they do not have to accept their baptism.  In other words, they’re not stuck being Christians.  They can still be practicing Buddhists or convert to Judaism.  Should they choose to follow a more traditional set of Christian beliefs, you know, being baptized will be one less thing they have to worry about. 

          *I hope that no Christians are offended upon reading this.  Typically, I don’t care if I offend someone, but in this case, I am honestly not trying to be callous or disrespectful.  I am sure many Christians that are devout, prime examples of a good Christian will understand my struggle, or at least have seen it before.  I have nothing against Christians or their beliefs.  It’s just that right now, it’s a bit hard for me to accept, both for personal emotional reasons, and for pure scientific "Where’s your concrete evidence?" reasons.   

          **My first guest posts are in the works.  My best friend is going to write, as well as Jen from Perfect Work.  If you would like to contribute, E-mail me.  You will find my E-mail link in the top left hand corner.

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